Do we need labels?

Happy Pride Month! For those who are out and proud, closeted, and everyone in-between.

During a month when every storefront, social media site, and third cousin is showing off their inclusivity with rainbows, this is a good time to really talk.

Why an entire pride month? In fact, why are we even labelling ourselves as anything at all? Well, at the end of last month, I had someone note that it is hurtful to the youth to be told that their sexuality is "who they are". They noted that race and personality are more who we are than our sexuality because sexuality can change over time while the other two can't. The last thing they said was that we are all born straight.

Okay, I'm not even sure where to start with all of this, so I will break it into five points:

1. Sexuality, race, and personality work together to form our Identity

To begin, I totally get where this person is coming from, but they may lack perspective. While sexuality is not all we are, it is an important distinction in our time and society. I'm a bisexual woman of colour and that doesn't even begin to fully describe me, but those are important distinctions in a time of “me too", BLM, and homophobia. According to Psychology Today, identity answers the question of who we are by looking at what values we hold dear and how they affect our decision-making. Therefore, our friends, relationships, external pressures, and our need for societal acceptance all work together to form our identity. What does this mean? It means that there is no one thing that forms our identity. Instead, it is an amalgamation of nature, nurture, social expectation, and necessity that then impacts the decisions we make, how we treat others, and how we treat ourselves.

2. Our sexuality does not change over time, our knowledge of self does

While it is true that we cannot change our race, our personality evolves over time and so does our sexuality. Now, does that mean that we can choose our personality and sexuality? NO! Of course not. When something grows, it usually becomes more of what it really is, i.e., it reaches its full potential. Let's use a seed, for instance. The science of seed growth doesn't change the makeup of the seed or its genetic material. Yet, the end product, the tree, doesn't look like the seed. Why? Because it is what already exists inside the seed that is coming out. All the parts for the design exist, it is only when a seed has optimal sunlight, water, and oxygen (or carbon dioxide as it ages) that it becomes the best version of itself. That is also what happens to our personality and sexuality.

I was never straight, even though I thought I was. This is because I didn't think that I would be accepted by my family. I was told that I would meet a man and get married, so I believed it; I wanted it to be true. But it isn't. As we age, grow, and absorb optimal aspects of our environment, we learn more about what we really want and enjoy. So our labels may change not because we have changed but because we are more aware of ourselves.

3. We are not born straight, we are born Asexual

Okay, let me explain before anyone gets up in arms. I'm not saying that children are born with any sexuality. In fact, I'm saying the direct opposite. They don't know what they want in terms of sex, because they are not emotionally, mentally, or physically ready for it. As children, our initial needs are basic (food, shelter, health, and safety). The first two levels of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is all that children really need because their body is growing and they need the security that comes from family. We don't really think about our identity in terms of where we belong (or how much our parents suck) until puberty when we start thinking about sex.

But even without sex, there are children who are more drawn to the opposite sex and those to the same sex. Does it tell us what their sexuality will be? Of course not. Sexuality is a spectrum and social science, therefore there is no way of knowing where you really stand on that spectrum (it is entirely dependent on the person). Therefore, we are not born straight, instead, we are all born Asexual. The idea of sex and reproduction don't exist for us yet and we don't see it that way. Biologically speaking, children are not ready for sexual encounters. That's why it's illegal, frowned upon, and wrong. Then, as they grow, they learn about themselves and choose their label (see no. 2).

4. We need the labels right now because of the society we currently live in

I already mentioned this a little earlier, but labels are societal. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a label as a "descriptive or identifying word or phrase". Why do we then need identifying words or phrases? So we know what is being presented to us. It's like picking up a pop can with no label on it. What is it? What is inside it? Is it alcoholic or not? I am definitely not drinking it, because it seems untrustworthy. As human beings, we relate to our environment and society by placing labels on things and people so we can be socially appropriate.

Usually, when someone says “being ______ isn't all you are,” it's a way to diminish that aspect of us. Like we are whining about not being accepted. Or we should accept what scraps we've been given and keep quiet. But we need to clarify who we are (at least in part) to make it okay to be that. It is also important to let people know that heterosexuality is not necessarily the norm.

5. In an ideal world, we will not need labels

I really hate labels and I might actually be pan-sexual or demi-sexual, but the world is changing and these terms serve to further the conversation. I didn't even know that these terms existed when I was first asking myself these questions so Bisexual was the only option. Now it's not. I am looking forward to a time when my sexuality, race, or gender, are nobody's business, and I can be whoever I want to be. But that's the goal, not where we are.

In conclusion: Sexual identity is socially, personally, and politically important to motivate change. The LGBTQ community making the statement that this is who they are does not diminish every other aspect of them. It promotes the conversation. Heterosexuality is not the norm and we are not all born straight, we are technically born asexual. We learn what is normal from the world around us and our society, which is why we try heterosexuality first, not because it is who we are when we are born.

Thanks for reading, and HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!

*Disclaimer*

This is not politically motivated or biased toward the right or the left. These statements are my opinions alone and therefore I could be wrong and humbly accept my limits.